crumble.

Anonymous asked: You are adorable and i would like to know how you got to be unbelievably adorable, like i didnt know it was possible to be so cute. (:

well this pretty much made my night. youre beyond a sweetheart<3

beyond;

i wonder what its like to be completely happy with yourself.
to not wake up in the morning and immediatly start nit picking everything you dislike about yourself; everything that you’d change.
i hate when people tell me shut up when i talk bad about myself. because theyre just sssooo much worse, and i have it soooo bad.
well guess what, maybe youd like to be me? but i wouldn’t. i know all my flaws, the real me. and i promise you, you should take my word on it when i tell you its not something to be proud of.
sure, i don’t have it as bad as everyone, but i never said i was the worse.

i want to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and smile. feel completely content with myself. not picking out each problem, but appriciating all the good.
i envy people like you.

ive finally done it.

you know. you put me through hell and back. and i loved you to itttsy bitsy parts. everthing about you. you were my love, my life, my hopes, my future.

i was CRAZY. i looked at you as everything i could ever ask for. the best i could get. not one thing about you would i have changed, regardless of how much i hated it. i would breath, blink, move, LIVE for you. you had me that much. but i guess that just wasn’t anything to you. you thought id always be there. though you had me wrapped around your fingure. (which you did,) but ive come to realize,

IM BETTER THAN THAT

i deserve, NOTHING you put me through. i am, so thrown back, thinking of everything i let  you spimply do to me, without me saying  a word. with me always coming back. always being there for you to just come right back to. i let you, wal alllll over me. and i even KNEW IT!? but you know what. time, distance, all those factors. they had no effect on me. i had the attitude that i would move down here, and still be madly in love with you through it all. and thats what i wanted. i just wanted us to grow stronger. but you, being you just couldn’t do that, could you? you just cooouldn’t handle making me happy huh? doing the right thing? being there for me? actually CARING? nah, tooooo hard for you, i knew that, i just didn’t wanna accept it.  but now, lets look at how i am atm.

i am, DONE. i have, moved on. i am happy. without you. i have learned that their IS more to life if i just force myself to go thru my misery stage. which i did. and im glad to pat myself on the back for not cracking. not talking to you. not even THINKING good thoughts about you. i call that an accomplishment.

someone has been enough to me to prove to me, that i AM better. no, im no where near perfect, maybe not even good. but i am better than any and everything you put me through. and kudo’s to you for doing all the other things behind my back that i still dont know about. youre one sneaky beaver.

this is not a hate note. i hope you don’t read this. but anyone who knows my spot, and who im talking about, and people going through the saaame, and say they cant do it, cause i couldnt? well GUESS WHO DID IT. this girl, right here. its hard. its HARD. but if it needs to be done.. it does.

im not going to lie. i wish you were different. i wish you had emotions. i wish you even cared. just the slightest, about the ONE who was there for you. the ONE who didn’t baby you thru like, who made you grow the fuck up, and take responsibility for your own mistakes. the person who saw the real you, who was ALWAYS THERE, who never thought twice about not being there!, the only REAL person you had. you just pushed them out. i mean you did it willingly, and did NOTHING to fix, or help anything.

like i told you, i knew you couldn’t fix this.

absense makes the heart grow fonder.

i didn’t realize this distance would be such a strain. i wouldn’t take back my decision. im happy with where im at. i just wish people would support in what is best for me. words can’t explain how i miss you.

not a day goes by that i don’t like about you. not an hour goes by that i don’t think about you. and the sad thing i don’t think you see how much you mean to me. its silly. because youre beyond explaining.

my heart beat has a name, its yours.

i get nervous when the thought of you enters my mind. my breathing increases, or stops, everything becomes more vivid, more real. my thoughts race and i can’t comprehend. you make everything seem like how its supposed to be. everything makes sense. i start to see what ive been missing. what i need.

then you leave. and im left,

for nothing.

i can only hope that you show the same as i. theirs nothing more i want. you make the world spin. i cant ask for someone better to be in my life. i was blessed with you. if only you understood. i miss you.